Teddy Bears and Apple Pie
by seanbiggerstaffrox
Summary: Ron's mind is a mysterious place with teddy bears, a certain DADA professor, apple pie, the DADA professor, sex, The DADA professor, and lastly but not least The DADA professor. RonAFuckableTeddyBear SLASH. And thongs.


A/N: For the purpose of this story Cedric and Sirius aren't dead and blah blah blah blah. Warning I have a flame resistant shield, so flame me and get burned. ( key malicious laughter: Mwa HA HA HA HAHA HA HA HA!!!!!!)

He wasn't really sure when it started. Not that he really cared much to figure out. It was hard enough to just get himself to stop thinking of him-IT.

Ron sighed and wiped his hand over his face.

'_**Crap Ron, you're doing it again. Just stop thinking about him. Fuck, it, stop thinking about IT.'**_

Ron stared out the window as rain dribbled down the sky. He knew it was wrong, that he shouldn't be thinking these things but the fucking thoughts wouldn't leave him alone.

'_Merlin, what would Harry think? Did you ever consider that?'_

Oh, Merlin!!! Ron hadn't considered that before, then again he hadn't even acknowledged what he was thinking about.

His mind flipped back to the dream he'd had last night and his cock twitched.

_Calloused hands were running over his exposed chest, accompanied by a tongue that flicked over his now taut nipples. Ron moaned, his arms struggling against the chains that kept his wrists restrained against the bed posts. Fingers ghosted tantalizingly over his erection as he bucked furiously, begging for contact. _

"_Oh Merlin! Please." Ron pleaded, eyes clenched together in frustration._

_The hands finally unzipped his pants, pulling down his boxers. Ron's cock sprung free and was immediately engulfed in a warm, moist, mouth. Hands clenching into fists Ron gave a tremendous moan, struggling against the hands that kept his hips pinned to the bed._

'_**NO!!! You will NOT think about it.'**_

Ron's brain intervened too late as his cock was now painfully erect.

Ron glanced at the clock and let out a groan. He'd been skipping breakfast to avoid his friends lately so he could get over the constant wet dreams he'd been having before class. Breakfast had been over for about ten minutes now.

"Shit. Why does Merlin hate me?!" Ron groaned, grabbing his bag and rushing out of the room.

His breathing came in pants as he dashed down the corridor, practically flying down the stairs and into the Potions classroom.

"Ah, Mr. Weasley, how nice of you to join us. 20 points from Gryffindor." Snape sneered.

Ron made sure to hold his back in front of him to cover up his still raging hard-on. Slipping in next to Harry, Ron gave a sigh of relief.

"Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted you are going to be making the Veritaserum potion today. I will be grouping you together in partners."

The class groaned that was never good.

"Granger, Parkinson. Longbottom, Goyle." As Snape continued to run down the list Ron saw the pattern.

He was pairing people with the people he hated most, only further proving the point that he was a snarky bastard who liked to make peoples lives a living hell.

"Erg, that means I'm gonna be with Malfoy." Harry groaned beside him, noticing the pattern as well.

Ron felt sympathy for his friend, even though he doubted the likeliness of that happening. Malfoy, while he generally disliked Harry seemed to be in it for the fun of getting on his nerves. If anyone else had cared to look they'd find that he treated most everyone like that. Still, better Harry than him.

Ron immediately felt guilty for thinking like that. Malfoy was the worst Slytherin out of all of them and Ron new just being near the flaming jackass was enough to ruin anyone's day. Then again with Harry's seemingly recent obsession with him Ron had his suspicions of just how miserable Harry would be if he was paired with Malfoy.

"Zabini, Potter."

Damn Snape and his stupid observation skills. The rest of the class, having also noticed the pattern, looked at Harry with raised eyebrows.

'_Guess they were expecting Harry to be paired with the fucking snarky ferret as well. Stupid git. Gonna throw him in a vat of boiling lava if I have to look at his smug fucking face one more fricking-'_

"Malfoy, Weasley."

'_Damn't.'_

Harry looked over at him sympathetically(and Ron suspected a little bit jealously) while Ron just glared, throwing a temper tantrum on his way over to the Stupid Ferrets table when Snape directed them to move.

'_Don't know why I have to be paired with the stupid fucking prat. It's Harry who fucking hates him, I think. Stupid Snape. Stupid Malfoy. I hate all of them. Assholes.' _

Ron ranted in his head while he slammed his bag on the table with a loud BAM. Snape merely smirked from the front of the room as Ron huffed and catapulted into his seat, glaring fiercely at Malfoy from a ruby colored face.

"Since you, Weasley, are incapable of doing anything right _I'll _make the potion, you go get the ingredients. It's a relatively simple task so I'm _hoping _that you can handle it." Malfoy drawled and Ron rolled his eyes, stomping over to the potions cabinet.

Ron spotted Harry heading over to get ingredients from the cabinet and rushed over.

"Hey." He greeted.

"Hey. Things going well?" Harry asked.

"No. We haven't even started and already he's getting on my nerves." Ron growled. "You?"

"Never underestimate just how annoying Zabini can be." Harry sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Merlin! How are we ever gonna get through this." Ron sighed, measuring out ingredients.

"Well, look on the bright side, we have double Defense Against the Dark Arts next." Harry said happily.

Ron's stomach dropped at the thought. _He _was in that class. Suddenly the dream from last night came raging back into his mind and Ron's heart began to beat faster, ears ringing from the rush of blood.

"Ron? You okay? You look a bit….flushed." Harry's voice managed to make it's way into his senses and Ron shook his head, coming back to reality.

"What? Oh, sorry. Stupid Malfoy got me pissed." Ron growled.

Harry seemed to by his excuse, shaking his head sympathetically.

"Weasley, what the hell's taking so long?" Malfoy asked from next to him, making Ron jump up about a foot.

"Holy shit Malfoy!" Ron exclaimed, heart beating erratically.

"Ron? You alright?" Harry asked, walking over to him.

"Yeah, yeah, just a bit distracted." Ron mumbled while Malfoy watched with raised eyebrows.

"You sure?" Harry felt his forehead with the back of his hand.

"Harry, what are you doing?" Ron asked, looking uncomfortable.

"Checking your temperature. You feel a bit hot; maybe you should see Madam Pomfrey." Harry suggested.

"No, no, I'm fine okay." Ron reassured him, grabbing the ingredients he'd measured out. Ron looked over at Malfoy who was staring directly at Harry. Looking over Ron saw Harry obliviously measuring out ingredients. Ron was about to suggest they go back to the table when Harry dropped his measuring spoon under the cabinet and got down on all fours, looking and feeling around for it, butt moving back and forth as he wiggled around, trying to get the spoon. Ron didn't miss the hungry look on Malfoy's face or the light blush that dusted his cheek. Smirking a little Ron headed for their table, Malfoy, who had been shaken out of his lustful state when Ron _'accidently'_ slammed into him on his way back.

Laying out the ingredients Malfoy and Ron worked in silence, following the instructions and passing Snape's inspection flawlessly.

Throughout the entire class Ron spotted Malfoy looking over at Harry, a licentious, almost desperate, look on his face. Ron, as much as he hated the idea of Malfoy lusting after his best friend couldn't help but feel amused at Malfoy's situation, that is, until he realized it was shockingly similar to his own.

After class was over Ron met up with Harry and Hermione and they all headed over to the Defense Against the Dark Arts room, Ron's heart pounding and stomach twisting all the way there.

Entering the room Ron almost felt like crying when he spotted Harry and Hermione excitedly taking seats in the front row.

'_Just kill me now.' _Ron thought, knowing that they'd just be closer to _him _if he sat there. Taking a deep breath he sat down next to his friends. His hands shook and sweat beaded on his forehead when the professor got to the room.

'_God he's so hot.'_

"Good morning class." The professor said.

"Good Morning Professor Black."

A/N: No this isn't the end of the chapter. Just a pause. So, are you shocked, please tell me you're shocked. After all the effort I put into not telling you who Ron was lusting after you HAVE to be shocked. If you're not shocked you must already be dead. I command you to be shocked. Okay, enough of that. Oh, please comment. (That wasn't a question. MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!) Right, moving on.

Ron uncomfortably fidgeted back and forth, staying enough under the desk so that his raging hard-on was hidden but far enough away so that he wasn't really close to Sirius.

'_God he looks sexy.' _

The table was practically vibrating Ron was shaking so hard. Well, okay, that's an over exaggeration but only to emphasize how hard Ron was shaking. He hated that Sirius had this kind of effect on him. He was nervous, trembling, hyperventilating, and incredibly horny.

He could see Harry looking at him with concern out of the corner of his eye but stared determinedly ahead.

"I'm fine." He whispered out of the corner of his mouth when Harry toughed his arm and gave him a questioning look.

Sirius was pacing in front of the class as he lectured them on horcruxes, a new addition to the curriculum that the trio were practically experts on since they destroyed them in sixth year.

His eyes were shining as he excitedly waved his hands around. Sirius _was _an expert on horcruxes, having told the trio a lot about them and helping to destroy them as well.

'_He looks so hot when he's lecturing.'_ Crept into Ron's mind and he could have cried from sexual frustration.

All the students of Hogwarts were in agreement that Sirius was the best lecturer out of all the teachers. In fact he was most everybody's favorite teacher in general.

'_Plus he's really hot.' _By this point Ron was ready to slam his head on the table till he knocked himself out.

'_Shut up brain, please just fucking shut up.'_

Ron felt torn between running out of the classroom or jumping on Sirius and fucking him right there. He was leaning more towards option number two. Ron started to feel dizzy and wobble in his seat.

"Mr. Weasley? Mr. Weasley, are you alright?"

Ron was aware that Sirius had stopped lecturing and was now looking at him with concern.

Ron fell out of his chair and Sirius quickly caught him before he hit the ground.

"Feel just fine." Ron muttered before going unconscious.

Ron came to with a gasp. He was vaguely aware of voices as he clutched his head.

'_Man, that's one hell of a headache.' _

Ron groaned and sat up, massaging his temples. His stomach gave a lurch and he felt like he was going to vomit. Clutching his stomach he laid back down on the bed, staring blankly at the table beside him.

"Ron! You're awake." A gruff incredibly sexy voice said from beside him.

Ron immediately knew it was Sirius and groaned, rolling over and shoving his head in the pillow.

"Not another bloody dream again." Ron groaned, closing his eyes.

"Ron? Are you okay?" Another voice accompanied Sirius' and Ron looked up to see the curious looks on his friends' faces.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Ron said as lights swam in front of his eyes.

"No, you certainly aren't." Madam Pomfrey seemed to find this a nice time to intervene.

"'S good to see you too Madam Pomfrey." Ron muttered.

Madam Pomfrey chose to ignore his little comment.

"What's wrong with him Poppy?" Sirius asked.

"Stress, lack of sleep and Hermione and Harry tell me he hasn't been eating much lately." Madam Pomfrey said.

"Is that true?" Sirius asked, looking at Ron.

Ron's eyes met Sirius and he found himself lost in the deep blue-grey. Sirius started talking again and Ron's eyes traveled down to his mouth.

'_Merlin, he has sexy lips.'_

A giant heaping bucket of water woke Ron from his daydreaming and he gave a yelp, staring at Madam Pomfrey with wide eyes. She set down the pitcher on the nightstand table with a slightly smug look on her face.

"Oy, what you do that for?" Ron cried indignantly.

No other student but Ron ever dared talk back to Poppy, which most likely had to do with her being his mother's best friend, which, when you looked at their personalities, didn't really come as much of a shock, and him being her godson.

"Nothing else seemed to get your attention." Madam Pomfrey shrugged, lips twitching.

"Humph." Ron pouted, lip jutting out.

"Here." Madam Pomfrey handed him a vial filled with dark green liquid. "It's a Calming Draught. Take a few drops when ever you're feeling really stressed. I've already administered some for you."

That explained why Ron wasn't hyperventilating by being so close to Sirius. Although he was still really nervous at least he hadn't passed out yet.

"You can go back to class now but I want you two making sure he's getting plenty of rest and enough food at meals." Madam Pomfrey said sternly to Harry and Hermione.

"Come on you three. I got Remus to sub in for me but we still have an hour and a half left of class."

Getting up off the cot the four of them left the infirmary, Sirius taking the lead. Ron felt incredibly calm and happy, which was a relief yet slightly unnerving. As they walked Ron felt incredibly fortunate that Sirius didn't wear the required robes, instead settling for simple muggle attire. His eyes followed the curves and contours of Sirius's ass as he walked, admiring the slight movement of his hips.

Not realizing that they'd stopped or that Sirius had turned around and was talking to them Ron continued walking and slammed right into the back of Sirius, sending them both sprawling onto the ground; Ron's face pressed into Sirius neck, arms clutching Sirius's shoulders and Sirius's arms wrapped around his waist. Ron realized that he had a raging hard-on from watching Sirius's butt and it was currently pressed into Sirius's thigh. From the gasp he let out Ron knew that Sirius could feel it.

Ron was, indeed, having what could possibly be the worst day of his entire life. And because it was the worst day of his entire life he began to laugh hysterically. And because he was laughing hysterically at his own misfortune, he began to cry. Crying had never been more painful for Ron Weasley in his entire life.

Red Hot tears burned there way down Ron's cheeks, his breathes turning into gasps. Ron hurriedly pushed his way off of Sirius's chest, running down the hallway as fast as he could.

Vaguely he registered shouts and feet scurrying after him but that only served to make him run faster. He ran down the hallway, down the stairs, through the entrance hall, out the door, outside into the cool fall weather, and he continued to run, leaving the castle behind him. With each step he took a little bit of the problem got further and further away. He didn't know where he was going, his feet leading him wherever. Finally, after a while passed, he collapsed onto the ground outside of a shop in Hogsmeade. Looking up through his still teary eyes he saw the bright, purple sign that read, for the entire world to see, in cheery, almost mocking letters, _Weasley's Wizard Wheezes._

Ron buried his head in his knees, sobs wracking his body.

It was ridiculous, completely and utterly ridiculous that Ron should be here, outside his brother's shop in Hogsmeade, crying over things so miniscule when he hadn't cried since he was little.

"Ron?" A familiar voice asked from beside him.

Looking up Ron spotted George, head sticking out of the door.

"George." Ron sniffled pathetically.

"Ron! Come on in." George said, pulling Ron in and flipping the sign to read Closed. "Fred. Get out here." George yelled and Fred hurried out of the back room

"Wha-Ron!! Ron, what's wrong?"

So Ron told them. He told them everything, starting from when he first got his crush on Sirius in third year to when he collapsed outside of their shop.

"Whoa." Fred breathed. "Mum's gonna freak. She's been planning yours and Hermione's wedding for years."

Ron let out a watery chuckle and George smacked Fred. Ron looked out the window and was surprised to see that it was already getting dark.

"Sweet Merlin. I'm gonna be in so much trouble when I get back." Ron muttered.

"Here, I'll send a letter to Dumbledore telling him where you are and you can spend the night here." George reassured him, giving him a little pat on the knee before getting up.

"Thanks." Ron muttered.

Ron, Fred, and George sat down at the table thirty minutes later, eating soup and chatting about random nonsense. Ron, on his part, made an astounding effort to not bring down the conversation. Which, fortunately, he was successful at. Fred and George chatted about their newest inventions and secret plans for prank products which, had it been usual circumstances, they might not have been so open about.

Sighed, Ron tucked into the bed the twins had set up and slept peacefully, for the first time since the beginning of the school year.

A/N: I know this would be the perfect place to stop it but fortunately (or unfortunately depending) for you I just can't seem to stop writing. Originally I planned on stopping at "Crying had never been more painful for Ron Weasley in his entire life." But again, I have typing diarrhea. So sue me.

As if to emphasize just how much worse it could get for Ron the next morning was chilly, windier than ever, and there was a storm to rival that of third years. Ron, clothed in his uniform and school robes, left before the twins woke up, hoping to get to Hogwarts early.

Fighting his way through the storm Ron shuddered, soaking wet. He toyed with the idea of turning back before stubbornly continuing his journey. He'd have to go back sooner or later and since the storm wasn't likely to get better he decided to leave now. He new he could have contacted Dumbledore and used the floo but he wanted to prolong seeing the Headmaster unless he absolutely had to. Dumbledore knew practically everything going on at Hogwarts and was also a trained legilimens. Ron didn't doubt for a second that the Headmaster would stoop to those methods to figure out why Ron had been causing such a disturbance in the school recently.

When Ron finally arrived at Hogwarts he was numb and completely wet. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd gotten hypothermia at this rate. He stumbled into Gryffindor Tower, ignoring the cries of the early birds and made his way to the boys' dorm. Grabbing a towel and his spare uniform he stumbled into the showers, turning the water to warm and sighing contently as the warm water cascaded onto his numb, shivering body.

Ron grabbed the soap, cleaning his body and sighing as the warm water diminished the numbness that enveloped him

Reluctantly shutting off the water he grabbed his towel, drying off and changing into his clothes. Staring at his mirror image Ron, for what must've been the thousandth time that day, gave out a sad sigh, fiddling with his hair. He hadn't changed much from fourth year, apart from growing and losing the baby fat. Messing again with his hair he gave one last death glare at his reflection and left the room.

Ron sat in the common room for the remainder before breakfast, warming by the fire. He stared into the flames and thought of all the events going on lately. Looking on the bright side things really couldn't get much worse.

"RON!!! Oh my god, we were so worried." Hermione's voice said from behind him and she rushed forward, enveloping him in a bone crushing hug.

"Oof. Hey Hermione. Sorry, I was at Fred and Georges." Ron muttered. He saw Harry walk down from the boys' dorm stairs, stopping in shock at seeing him before rushing over and squeezing him just as tight as Hermione. Ron hugged them back, feeling better that they weren't mad at him.

"Hey guys, sorry if I worried you." Ron muttered.

"Don't you ever fucking do that again." Harry whispered into his ear.

Ron chuckled.

"Don't worry, I won't." Ron grinned at Harry as they separated. "Come on, let's go to breakfast."

Ron smiled in amusement as Harry mothered over him, piling food on his plate and ordering him to eat.

"I got your homework from yesterday." Hermione said, pulling some out of her bag.

"You need to eat all of that. I want your plate empty by the end of breakfast." Harry ordered.

"And it's due on Wednesday so…." This was Hermione now.

"You better do it soon…." Ron looked from Hermione back to Harry.

"Or we both know you won't finish it." They both finished.

Ron chuckled at his friends antics.

"Okay, Okay." Ron said.

"I'm serious." They said in unison before looking over at each other and grinning.

"Right. Got it."

Ron grabbed the homework and put it into his bag before getting started on his breakfast.

"Hey…uh…thanks guys." Ron said awkwardly not looking up from his eggs.

Hermione and Harry exchanged big grins.

"It's nothing." They shrugged, still smiling.

(A/N: Okay, since I've been dying to do this all day, I'm giving in. We're switching to first person for Ron)

I spent most of the day avoiding Sirius, which was hard because the stupid sexy bastard kept showing up. God, he's hot. Oh shit, here he comes. Stumbling into an alcove hidden behind one of the knights I flattened myself against the wall, praying to Merlin that he wouldn't see me.

Closing my eyes I made myself as small as possible and prayed for at least on break.

"Ron. You okay?"

Oh god. That sexy voice whispering into my ear like that made me practically cum right there.

Opening my eyes I saw that Sirius had squeezed himself into the alcove as well, hands on both side of my head to keep from crushing me. Oh god, he was so close I could almost taste him. Licking my lips I flattened myself against the wall, digging my nails into it in my desperate battle for self restraint.

"_Go on, just kiss him already." _

Now you know you're desperate when you see little 'good' and 'evil' figures of yourself standing on your shoulders.

"**No. Think about how Harry would feel. 'Sides, we both know Sirius is straight. And even if he wasn't he couldn't possibly like you." **His good version said.

"_Oh quit being a spoil sport. Come on Ron, kiss him."_

"**No, asshole. Quit influencing the poor boy."**

"_Right, no one calls me an asshole."_

I saw bad Ron jump on good Ron and they started fighting. They were punching and biting and kissing. WAIT!! What. Okay, now you know you're sexually frustrated AND crazy when you see yourself doing it with yourself. Shaking my head I again focused on Sirius who was looking at me with some concern. Oh god, I could just do him right there.

"Ron. You alright?"

"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm great."

Merlin, I felt dizzy, in a very, very good way. Someone bumped into the Knight, sending it backward from its spot a few feet and Sirius ended up pressed right against me. Shivers coursed through my body at the close proximity and I gulped. Oh god, did I want it.

Sirius stared at me with wide eyes again and I knew he felt my raging hard on. Then again it be kind of hard not to considering his leg was pressed right against it. Then again he was a good 6 inches or so taller than me so maybe he'd just mistake it for my wand. Had I been in a different situation that would probably have had me in a fit of giggles….I mean uh….manly snickers but since this time it would have been at my own expense I figured that wasn't a very good idea.

Sirius shifted a little and his leg rubbed against my erection emitting a whimper from my throat. Oh shit, that wasn't good. I bit my lip and looked to my left. I heard Sirius mutter something but couldn't bear to look over. Shit, why'd I have a feeling that something really, REALLY bad was about to happen.

"Ron. Look at me." His voice was stern, sending even more blood to pool in my groin.

As much as I wanted to look over I stubbornly shook my head and turned even more.

"Ron." God he sounds so sexy when he says my name.

"No."

"Ron. Please." The tone in Sirius voice made me turn and look at him.

I gave out a gasp when I saw that somehow he'd made a curtain which affectively hid us and blocked out the noise from the hall. To my horror (or lust) I realized that it probably worked both ways so that whatever we did wouldn't be heard. Oh man, that possibilities. NO!!! Don't go there.

Looking into his face I saw that he was concerned. Well, I'd be too if a horny little teenager was lusting after me. I mean if I were his age. Not that he's old or anything, he's actually fairly young. And so gorgeous. When will I learn to just stop thinking?

"Ron, (did I mention that he sounds really sexy when he says my name?) What's going on?" Oh man, Merlin hates me, I swear.

"Nothing I feel fine." I lied.

"Bullshit." Does he ever get tired of sounding sexy?

"It's…..I don't wanna talk about it." I huffed, fidgeting.

"Ron (if he doesn't stop saying that I swear I might just jump him right here) you cried, ran away, and fainted and you expect me to believe you're alright?" Sirius asked.

Shit.

"Yes." Wow, great save Ron, you just admitted there was a problem.

Sirius smiled down amusedly. Fuck. Now I'm Siriusly turned on. Wait fuck, now I'm putting his name in words.

"Ron, you know you can come (come….cum…wait, no, come, fuck, I'm horny.) to me about anything. Your Harry's best friend and I think we've grown close over the years (Oh god. The shivers wont fucking stop.) and I really care about you (He's torturing me on purpose I know it) and I just want to help you. (Not in that way Ron, he doesn't mean in that way. Fuck, how does he not feel that, I'm practically poking a hole in his leg.)"

By now I was blushing furiously and restraining myself from rubbing up against him. I bit my lip and blushed even redder. I was trembling against him. He was so warm. Like a giant fuckable teddy bear. Yummy.

"Ron. Ron? RON!!!" Sirius was looking VERY concerned.

"Giant….teddy bear…. Yummmmmm." By then I was drooling and licking my lips.

"You okay?"

i remembered the Calming Draught in my pocket. Hey, maybe I could blame the hard thing pressing into Sirius's leg on that. Shit. I fumbled in my pocket, pulling out the vial and taking a huge gulp.

"Yep, I'm great. God you're hot. Wait, what, Shit, I don't think I was supposed to say that. Take it back!" I didn't mean it. "Crap, you're sexy though. Wonder how you'd look in leather?" There, better.

"You know, I never really thought about it." Sirius mused.

Thought about what? "Mmmmm, leather. Fuck, I'm horny. Crap, stop saying….wait…shit. YOU DUMBASS!!!! Shit, why aren't I shutting up. Merlin, you look so tasty right now, like a giant fuckable pastry…..apple pie…..Er….I gotta go." I said, pushing past Sirius while he continued to babble about how hot he looked. "You smell so good….giant fuckable teddy bear….tie me down….fuck me….wonder if he likes BDSM…….mmm….thongs….fuck."

Now I'm so bloody convinced that Merlin fucking hates me. Sick bastard.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry about the ending, Ron's terribly messed up.


End file.
